Support Ninjas

The Ninja Cave: dark, mysterious, and inhabited by denizens equally dark and mysterious. So dark and mysterious that they wouldn't even allow their pictures to be taken, lest it compromise their sundry secret missions. Heck, they won't even let us see them anymore--we just slide support tickets, paychecks, and pizza under the door, and stuff happens. We don't ask how it happens. It's best not to. It just does. Nevertheless, legend has somewhat to report about these elusive masters of the Dark Support Arts...

Rainbow: Perched serenely on his blue ball of Tech Support, which only his mad ninja skillz can master. A repository of arcane knowledge concerning classical composers and their illicit dalliances with the wives and daughters of other composers. Likewise, knows more about Fedora Linux than any sane man would wish to know. Kick boxes. More tattoos than you can shake a stick at. Not to be messed with.

Twinky: Tall, lanky. Meister of the fridge beer. Suse Linux Supreme Master, with advanced belts in Mac. Rides his mountain bike down our stairs. Backwards. Known for his Trenchcoat of Terror, and his deceptively friendly loping gait. Twinky sneaks up on support problems and annihilates them with his Merciless Coffee Mug of Death.

Cupcake: Tallest of the ninjas, and perhaps the loudest. Reigning Mistress of the Wall of Post-it Notes. Keeper of the Sacred Pen of Brutal Organization. Frequent meeting notetaker, and designated non-ninja ticket whipcracker (this means you, Jon).

Before this imposing assemblage of overpowering skillz, all tech issues cower, blinking in the merciless, unwavering light of Truth. They will be reproduced. They will be logged and traced. They will be farmed to developers cowed by ninja whips cunningly wielded. And finally, inevitably, all such pathetic, worthless technical issues will be mercilessly crushed beneath the treads of Wine's forward progress. This the ninjas have sworn...