Civil Rights for Zombies

2 September 2009
by Jeremy WhiteJeremy White

So I think of myself as an open minded person, and I'm deeply passionate about securing rights for every person, regardless of race, religion, sexual orientation, or operating system choice. (Although I'm not so sure about marriage amongst Windows users - is that really safe? 😊 ).

However, I just can't get behind the idea of Civil Rights for Zombies. Now I understand that Zombies were people, too, and that we should be open minded and considerate where we can. But, feeble as it may be, I'm remarkably fond of my brain, and don't care to have it eaten.

Perhaps history will judge us all harshly. Perhaps it would be more humane to establish zoos, where they could be safely watched, as we do with other predators, such as Snow Leopards. But that raises troubling questions as well - what would they eat? You could argue that Windows fan boys aren't really using their brains, and thus could be used as a food supply, but then you risk destroying the zombies from malnutrition.

No, I remain persuaded the only solution is to exterminate all the Zombies. So I'm gleeful that we now encourage wanton Zombie killing for users of all operating systems, not just Windows.


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