I Didn't Renew CrossOver - A Horror Story

27 April 2017 by Katie GraceKatie Grace

It was a bright sunny morning. The birds were chirping merrily away outside my window as I awoke to the familiar ping on my phone alerting me I had a new email. Sunlight streamed through my bedroom window into my eyes, as I reached over to pick up my phone. I groggily peered at the blinding screen, flicking to my email.

“Codeweavers Renewal whateveryadayadayda Renew today!”

Grumbling to myself, I archived the email. Surely this could wait until later. 

How very wrong I was. 

Suddenly with a crash it began to downpour outside. Apparently it was going to be one of ‘those’ kind of days. I shuffled out of bed, only to realize I had slept in! I clambered over my bed and grabbed the first pair of clothes I could that happened to be in a crumpled heap. Donning them in a hurry, I scrambled out of my bedroom and down the stairs, narrowly missing my beloved cat Sir-Pouncealot , causing me to smack my head on the low ceiling. As I reached up to grab my now throbbing forehead my shirt sleeve caught on the railing, ripping my sleeve and causing me to loose my balance. I found my feet again after descending the last six stairs in a rather ungraceful manor, and continued to the kitchen. Grabbing at the fridge handle with some haste I was alarmed to find that the fridge door had come completely off of the refrigerator. I decided that was an omen that breakfast wasn’t in the cards today as I leaned the severed door back into place. I found my partially chewed shoes, stuffed both feet into them and hurriedly bent down to tie them. However when I grabbed my shoelace it ripped off one shoe. Cursing my ill luck I decided to just  grab my car keys and go; I could contemplate the semantics of shoe tying later. 

I searched in vain for my keys only then remembering that I had lent the car to my neighbor. Grumbling and glancing at my phone again, I decided I would have to take the public transit. I bolted out the door only to forget an umbrella, and resigned myself to a drying session in the bathroom with a hand dryer when I finally arrived at work. Running down the soaking sidewalk I cringed as my chewed shoes began to fill up with water. But hey, it was a free shower and I wasn’t going to complain. The bus station had recently undergone construction, so my feet soon found the muddy residue caked onto the sidewalk surface. I was in luck, the bus had just pulled up. Hurriedly I hopped on an took a seat with a wet ’squelch’. The bus lurched into motion…and proceeded to go at a snails pace. Glancing out the window I realize we couldn’t be going faster than walking speed as cars pulled around us en mass. Glancing near the front of the bus a large sign read:

“Conservative milage awareness week. All buses are required to go the absolute minimum speed in order to raise awareness for gas milage usage.”

I scrunched up my features, confused how that was supposed to be helpful in any sense of the word when a familiar and grating voice pierced the solitude of the surrounding bus ambiance. 

“Sweetie Pea!”

I groaned. The heavily accented voice of my slightly eccentric Auntie Vernina cut through the din like nails on a chalkboard. Of all the places…

“Oh its soooo good to see you dearie! Why haven’t you come to visit me recently??” She stood and waddled towards me, her bright pink fur coat, large turquoise hat and yellow rain boots causing her to stand out in an otherwise normally colored crowd. I expertly dodged the question. “ Ya know…I was um, er….had some stuff?” Question: Evaded.

She continued on clearly not noticing my discomfort. “Look how much you’ve grown since I saw you at the last family gathering! Why I remember when you were just a wee child-“

Dread seeped into my stomach. She wouldn’t….not here in public…would she?! Sure enough the dreaded baby pictures came out of the age-old muave-sequined alligator-skin purse. She began to hand them to random passengers on the bus. ‘Here! Look how cute you were! Look at your lil tushle!” She handed a photo to the nearest passenger who glanced at it and sniggered. Desperately I attempted to distract her from her embarrassing monologue. “Auntie! Here come have a seat.” I patted my wet seat praying she would come and have a seat. “Oh no, I couldn’t possibly- Oh would you like some candy? I bet I still have those cough drops you like so well…”

Groaning I glanced out the window. We were now stopped in traffic but were only a few blocks away from my work. I just had to keep this up for another stop or two…

I looked out the window…only to see my car. I blinked. My car was parked outside the city bank with a man in the driver’s seat I didn’t recognize. I figured my neighbor had just used my car to go to the bank like a normal civilian. Not a heartbeat later and the alarms went off at the bank. Three big clowns toting large sacks ran out and hopped into my car and took off just as a police car rounded the corner. 

Well, I guess I was never going to see that car again.

Sighing I resigned myself to turn my attention back to my aunt who now had half the bus enraptured listening to a story about my time as a diaper model, when suddenly the bus shook violently. Glancing around I confirmed that I wasn’t the only one that felt the shift. I hurriedly looked back out the window. Suddenly a mighty roar pierced the silence, as a massive foot descended onto the cross street in front of the bus. Feeling that fate wasn’t on my side today, I decided a hasty exit from the bus was likely a good idea. While retreating from the steel horse I managed to trip over my dastardly shoe laces; I knew those sneaky, leather-bound, synthetic snakes had it out for me! My brief reprieve was cut short by another thundering roar. Glancing up I could make out the crumbling of building and a massive…cyborg-dino…thing. Certainly someone with more tech terminology could come up with something more…descriptive. I pondered as I began to haul my keister in the opposite direction. A dynamic-dastardly-mechanic-monster? A WASD-destruction-on-legs? It certainly looked to be a ‘all your base are belong to us’ sort of fellow, and I wasn’t about to argue. 

Suddenly lightning rippled across the sky, striking the beast in it’s metallically plated chest. I looked to the sky to see Doorh! God of Lightning! Enraptured by the god of Lighting I almost missed Arrow man, Mr. Freedom, the Golden Orb (spider), TinMan and the Bulk all speeding towards the token ‘bad’ creature.

Scraping the bottom of the bin for off brand heroes. It could be worse, I mused.

Still it was better than nothing! While the dynamic team of heroes fought…

I really ought to name the monstrosity. I thought to myself despite the chaos.

Fine. As the dynamic team of super avenging justice tore through the sky to fight Nancy the giant cybernetic monstrosity, I realized then that I could just as easily make it to the office still! If they were able to distract it just long enough then I could make it to comforting bleak, white-washed walls that reeked of old cologne and stale coffee.

I ran whole heartedly through the din, expertly weaving and dodging about. Everywhere chaos exploded around me but I had my sights set on that brilliantly brass copper door. Two blocks…one block.

Nancy let out another thunderous roar causing the very ground to quake throwing me off balance. I lunged towards my salvation with arms outstretched-

Only to find the doors were locked?! How could this be?!

I realized it was Saturday. 

And that my friends, is my horror story of not renewing Crossover.

About Katie Grace
Katie Grace is a more recent addition to the CodeWeavers Ninja crew. In her free time she enjoys playing video games, feeding her salamanders and contemplating the vastness of the universe (and how an inter-dimentional portal somehow opened in her sock drawer). She has been with the Ninja crew since 2016.

About CodeWeavers
Founded in 1996 as a general software consultancy, CodeWeavers focuses on the development of Wine – the core technology found in all of its CrossOver products. The company's goal is to bring expanded market opportunities for Windows software developers by making it easier, faster and more painless to port Windows software to Mac and Linux. CodeWeavers is recognized as a leader in open-source Windows porting technology, and maintains development offices in Minnesota, the United Kingdom and elsewhere around the world. The company is privately held.

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New Comment

Colin Coates
Posted 2017-04-27 13:04
I renewed my subscription to Crossover Linux (to be used on Fedora), so no horror stories for me; I sleep the sleep of the righteous!
Katie Grace
Katie Grace
Posted 2017-06-21 11:39
Thanks for reading the post! Glad to hear there wasn't any horror stories for you. ;)
Paul Kratt
Posted 2017-08-12 19:20
There's a $30 discount when you renew for 1 year. Why isn't there a $30 discount to renew into the lifetime option? This seems like an egregious oversight!
I would use this option if you offered it.
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